Saturday, October 29, 2016

Drastic Changes

Unsurprisingly, I have not kept up with this blog. I don't know why but I just stopped and I wish I had continued. I only remembered about my blogger account because I was talking with a friend who just started up her blog. I decided to revisit my blog and reread older posts that I had written previously. There wasn't much to look back on, but I still found it interesting to read. A lot has changed so much since I've last written a post and now it is time to "spill the tea"

I actually enjoy writing blogs because as I mentioned before, it is like a personal diary. I don't really care who comes across this because I am open about my life. If people judge, then they judge. So be it. No one is perfect anyways. Certainly not me.

I do not plan to make my blog huge or generate money from this as this is not something I will commit to full time. I will try and post once or twice a week. I would love to meet new people during this process and hear feedback. If not, that is totally fine as well.

Okay, so back to "spilling the tea". To keep you updated, I am twenty three years old and I reside in Lower Manhattan, New York City. I own a company named "Weave Asylum" which I started last year in 2015 on February 6th. I have a son who will be Two next month on November 19th.

I am currently expecting a baby and my due date is February 20th, 2017. I am having a boy and he will be named Aiden. So yes, I will be twenty three approaching twenty four with two children. People will talk, people will gossip, people will judge. I can care less and I am happy that I am at a place that I do not allow people's personal opinions to affect me. I use to always worry about being judged or not being perfect enough. I use to even think I wasn't good enough to even attempt to have a relationship with God. I speak as if I am an evil villain or that I have done such horrendous things in my life but I have not. Even if I had, God would have still loved me and accepted me without judgement.

I use to always think I wasn't good enough compared to others. Not even because of looks or fitting in. Simply because certain people seemed more "innocent" than I was. People still consider me to be a "good girl" and claim I'm so hard on myself. I just use to compare myself to those who seem so perfect. That they did no wrong and that their parents were proud of every step they made. The people I compared myself to at the time could say they accomplished this and that but at the time, I felt I had nothing to be proud of.

Between the ages of eighteen and twenty one, I was never sure what I wanted to do. All I "knew" at that time was that I had to go to college if I wanted to be something in life. Even though I believe that this was an actual fact, I was left confused and puzzled. Like yes, I do understand I need to go to college but I just don't simply know what I want to accomplish there. Ever since middle school, my career choices have changed which was completely normal for my age. I would choose fields I felt I may enjoy, but it certainly takes experience to know what you want to do in life.

One thing I noticed that never changed throughout the years; I was always interested in making my own money. I didn't notice it at an earlier age that what I truly wanted to be was an entrepreneur but it took the right circumstances and experiences to figure it out. As I mentioned above, I am the CEO of a hair extension company. I will get into that in another post to avoid getting off of topic. Basically, I realized my passion and for almost two years straight this has not changed.

I feel a sense of accomplishment, but lately I have been feeling down and I am just stuck at a spot that I am not sure of what to do. There is a particular place I want to be at in my life that I am quite not at yet, regardless of how hard I try.

Back again to "spilling the tea". My unborn baby's child father and I have been dating for only a month before I got pregnant. Call me stupid,  that's fine but I was honestly caught up in love. After having my son, I was so sure that I didn't want to have a second child until I was at least twenty five being I had my first at twenty one. Every guy I "entertained" after my son's father were either someone I was just talking to or that I had hoped to make something out of it but it was not natural. When I instantly met Gladimir, I just knew right then and there that something remarkable was about to happen; I just didn't know what.

To many girls who are gold diggers, they would have wanted him solely for his car and what he appears to be about. Yes, when we met I knew he had a car and I thought it was cool but it was definitely not a factor in choosing if I wanted to be with him or not. This man could have came to me with no car, barely anything to his name, and completely nothing to physically give me. I would have still felt the same way about him regardless. Everything about him seemed so perfect. I felt like he dressed up all nice just to impress me because he felt that's what every female was looking for and that he had to look or present himself in such a way that I would accept him and move forward. No, not with me. I would have took him in any form he came in. I looked passed the clothing and car. Yes, very impressive materialistic add ons but I adored this guy because of the energy that came with him. I felt a part of me in him. I automatically picked up that he was someone just like me. Hoping to be accepted for who we are. I felt he wanted that but gave up on finding someone who wanted him for him and just played the game. I started to feel that way too. As if I was not good enough and just needed to settle for certain things because I wouldn't be appreciated anyways.

I started to feel good when he would eventually stop wearing the flashy clothing and always wearing his hats. It showed me that he was that comfortable with me to reveal himself. He trusted me. It showed me that he was comfortable to be vulnerable and be his entire self around me. That there was an accomplishment in itself. That was what was more important than the things he own. His true inner self being shown without fear. That's all I could ever desire in a relationship.

Unfortunately, majority of females would look past those things and only concern themselves with the "benefits".

I will continue this blog post tomorrow with a part 2. If you have read along, thank you. Your support is truly appreciated.

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